Thursday, November 04, 2004

Charm City

In case you didn't know-I live in Baltimore. I am not from Baltimore, I just live I am originally from New York. I moved here about 10 years ago when I transferred colleges. A few weeks later I met The Husband, who was then just The Hookup, then he became The Boyfriend and well....I stayed after graduation. This did not make my mother the happiest woman in the world. I believe she had visions of me weighing 90 lbs. having my hair professionally blown out every other day and making 6 figures by the time I was 25. Needless to say...I live in Baltimore- I need to lose 20 lbs, I know how to blow out my own hair, and my salary...well it has a 6 in it. My mom, whom we shall refer to as the Queen of Midtown once told me that in NYC you do not cross the street when the light says Don't Walk. I was 28 at the time. Apparently, she believes that once you leave the island of Manhattan cars don't hurt when they hit you therefore I must not know to wait until the sign says WALK. Did I mention that I spent 20 years living there. Just wanted to refresh your memory.

She claims I can not possibly relate to anyone on Sex and the City, because I don't understand how NYC effects every fibre of your soul. The woman is obviously delusional, either that or she has just spent way too much time underground waiting for the 6 inhaling subway fumes. Do not get my wrong I HEART NEW YORK. Love it. Especially during the holidays. But I am happy here. I have my own life. I'm only angry every few weeks at complete strangers-not every day. Baltimore is manageable. It's quirky. I've got a big park across the street from my house. I get to sit in traffic here too. I can't cross the street when the sign says Don't Walk without getting hit by a car. It's......charming. Plus after 10 years of living here. I know EVERYONE. Seriously. If I don't know them personally then they know a friend of mine.

So.... Mom....I will not be moving back to NY, I will not raise my one day baby there, I will still visit you, even though you will never visit me because I "live in the South". I do love you but you are a total wackadoodle, Hon.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004


Don't even get me started. What a fucking joke.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Decision 2004

So I woke up this morning and said to myself "Today I have a very important decision to make." And I did. I weighed my options, looked at all of the issues, compared and contrasted and cast me be the grumpiest person in all of the land. Literally from the moment I opened my eyes I have been a raging BITCH. I have been conscious of it and have found the effort required to reverse my ways today were just not worth it. EVERYONE and EVERYTHING today has annoyed me. Here's the list so far: my husband taking too much time in the only bathroom I will use; the cat's constant whining for more food when there is already a full bowl, the fact that our bedroom is too small and too contaminated with piles of clothes to get ready in the morning; the idiot who drove THE ENTIRE way into downtown in front of me going 20 miles an hour and hitting every red light; the fact that the replacement drivers side mirror has STILL not come in, making driving a game of hide and seek with the blind spot. This was before 8:00 of course.

I had about 30 minutes of non-bitch mode when I was alone in my office with a big old green tea and the nicotine of 3 cigarettes coursing through my system, but then everyone else came in.....with their kids....who are off of school today...and are loud....and annoying....and whos parents share an office with me. At this point you have got to believe me that the rest of the day was filled with numerous edits of stupid mistakes others made, phone calls from more stupid people, and lots of screaming inside of my car. Not pretty. I have now been banished to the upstairs while my cat, husband, coworkers and the poor parking lot attendent all gather together to talk about how horrible I am, how good they are, and what they can do to make sure I never resurface again.

The good thing is-I don't think anyone reads this blog so no one will be able to tell me how truly blessed my life is and how lucky I am and that they have a friend/relative/child who is a leper with no home and no food and no friends and that I should count my lucky stars. yeah...ok.

and finally...YES I voted, and you think my mood is bad now-just wait and see how bad it is if that imbecile pretending to be the leader of our country is reelected.


Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Not the Mama

So, I mentioned in my previous post that I had been a nanny for about a year. Although I would love to amuse you with all the sordid details of that, I won't, because A) apparently my nanny stories are not as amusing to others as they are to me B) you never know who may be reading and I don't want to incriminate any god awful parents, ahem, I mean people, who may or may not have been supposedly raising these children when I was not at their home.

Anywhoooo- the older of the two children was this notoriously cranky 2 year old who loved to scream at the wind for blowing her hair in her face. The first time I saw her was when I went for my interview. The front hallway of their home was very dark except for the light coming from the kitchen. There was an image running towards me with her hands waving in the air (like she just don't care) and she stopped right in front of me.....stared....screamed....and ran back to the light at the end of the hallway. Seriously-it was love at first sight.

So blah blah blah a year goes by blah blah blah I occasionally come home from work crying blah blah blah...we sing A LOT...she gets time outs A LOT...we spend every waking moment from 8 am-5:30 p.m. together...and then..i leave. That my friends was the hardest night ever. I put her to bed crying (me not her). She wiped my tears away, even though for the entire year before I had been the one to do that. I promised her it was not her fault and told her I loved her and left. <>

We went out a couple of weeks ago and she introduced me to everyone she saw as her best friend. Who would have thought that I at 30 would be honored to have a 3 year old refer to me as her best friend? I understand the importance of having a nanny when you are working to help support your family, or you are a stay at home mom who just needs a couple of hours a week to get your life in order and be an adult, however when you are a stay at home mom who just "can't relate" to her 2 year old and you pay someone to come into your home for about 50 hours a week, you best be thinking of stronger forms of birth control. She has no idea what she was missing that year. Maybe some time I will go into it in a little more detail, but in the meantime I am just psyched that my "best friend" and I are going to see Nemo on Ice this weekend.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Therapy for the financially challenged

This has been a very big year. HUGE. Lots and lots of changes. Ginormous ups and downs. Chaos. Let's see...I quit my dead end, bullshit pushing, sales job with nothing lined up, got married (that was nice), became a 29 year old full time babysitter, bought a house, turned 30, almost divorced my new wonderful husband for not acknowleding the importance of turning 30, spent 10 months looking for a "life changing" career, found it, started at the very bottom of the corporate ladder all over again, and gained about 20 lbs. The result...still married (still very nice), live in recently purchased home with nice husband, obese cat, I love my job, and my ass is now huge.

Of course, it is a well known fact that when you love your job, 99% of the time it pays crap. Therefore some of the little things that I had grown to love had to end- such as therapy. Cigarettes, wine and food, why those things, my friend, are neccesities so they stayed, plusI didn't really like my therapist anyway. She made me cry...A LOT. So here I am-lots of new beginnings and I need an outlet. So I started a blog. Only I don't want you to tell me what I should do, or why I do the things I do, or what I might consider doing next time. It was behavior like that, that left the therapist at the bottom of the neccesity list.